album schmalbum

jesus christ you guys, this is really fucking hard.

i have to say that making an album is really frustrating and difficult.

from the years it took to write the songs, and the experiences behind them, to recording them, to the engineering processes they go through afterwards. from writing a bio of your life story and summing up who you are as an artist in a one-page MS word document, to trying to get the right photos and figure out how to package the album, and how and when to let it out into the world -- all with a budget of like $10 and not a lot of time.

i have learned a shitload from this process, but at the same time i will admit to being anxious to the point of vomiting nearly every step of the way

i have such a hard time making decisions, and i am so obsessive to the point of extreme discomfort regarding all the details and decisions of everyday life, much less something that i have poured so much passion and effort and agony into, and something that will technically probably outlive me (here's hoping i don't live past 35).

i want so badly for it to be something i am proud of, because i have put everything i have into these songs, this album, and getting to the point where people are willing to help me make it and distribute it.

i am still working my dayjob since i have put all my savings into making this album, which is just another energy drainer and time sink.

i am doing my best to believe this will work out in a way i can be happy with, but i feel like i'm trapped at the top of a broken roller coaster, and to get down i have to make the necessary repairs. but i don't have the knowledge or the tools, and no one from the ground below can hear me screaming or even bothers to look up.

wait, is that a quote from titanic?